


Ruler of the Internets

by y3llowdaisi3s



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Crack, Darcy is the fandom bicycle and I love it, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, Kissing, Multi, Spoilers, all the kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-02-06 16:30:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1864650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y3llowdaisi3s/pseuds/y3llowdaisi3s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“How did it happen?” He asks, and Darcy has to pause to really think about it. Because honestly, it really did kind of all just sort of happen. As in, things happened in the past, it became a thing, and then Jane had to bet her some money, and Darcy is no coward, so of course she did it. And then she regretted it, but then it ended up being the best decision EVER! And all of a sudden she was internet famous. Just like she says, all sort of happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Agent Simpson, Or Bart, Or something like that

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be three chapters because I wrote this first chapter, and was going to do it all as one really long one-shot, but then I was like, I love this too much not to share already, so here is what I have. I'm going to have chapter two finished tomorrow, and try and have the final chapter early in the week.
> 
> This was written for a [prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/19023.html?thread=45395791#t45395791) on avengerkink that just made my muse squee so I had to write it. The prompt will contain spoilers, so don't read it if you want to be surprised, because surprisingly I'm sticking to it. Kind of. So far as planned.
> 
> And, in my rush to post this, it's not beta'd, and I only briefly skimmed, so hopefully it has a minimal of errors, but I know there will be some, so eh. Whatever.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Ruler of the Internetz**

“So it all started back in New Mexico, okay?” Darcy looks up at the blank face staring at her from across the table. Luckily she isn’t handcuffed this time, instead her hands are on the table, tapping at the metal. “You have to at least nod to let me know you’re listening. For all I know you’re sleeping under those sunglasses,” she huffs, annoyed with everything. She should be out celebrating! 

A brief nod from the man signals that she should continue, so she does. “Anyhow, maybe not New Mexico? Maybe it was London? Or, I guess, Washington DC and I wasn’t apart of that. “ Her face scrunches up as she thinks about it. Because she honestly has no idea how she ended up here. Well, she does, in the literal sense, but metaphorically, where it all began is up in the air. “Really, it depends on your definition of _start_. What are we talking about again?”

“How it is that you have managed to quote, break the internet, end-quote, per the social media sites say,” a voice calls out from behind her.

Darcy is quick to spin around in her chair and excitedly clap at the new person. “Agent Not-so-dead, glad to see you. You need to make your underlings less like robots, mixed messages and such.”

“Agent Bartholomew is just doing his job, Miss Lewis.” He says, pulling the seat just vacated by the aforementioned agent. He had a silly name, Darcy was going to figure out a way to mess with the guys hair and call him Bart. Maybe get him a skateboard, too.

“So, let’s start from the beginning.” Coulson unbuttons his jacket, shakes out the sleeves and sits down comfortably across from her.

“Well, okay, umm, where was I? Oh yeah, starting. Well, I guess, let’s just start at my beginning. You may remember it. New Mexico. When you stole my iPod.” It still smarts that she still _hasn’t_ been reimbursed for it. She notices the twitch in the man’s face, and realizes she probably should move on from that fact, but whatever, it still hurts. And it _always will_. “So I never originally intended to rule the internet. But, what can a girl do when it just sort of _happens_.”

“How did it happen?” He asks, and Darcy has to pause to really think about it. Because honestly, it really did kind of all just sort of happen. As in, things happened in the past, it became a thing, and then Jane had to bet her some money, and Darcy is no coward, so of course she did it. And then she regretted it, but then it ended up being the best decision EVER! And all of a sudden she was internet famous. Just like she says, all sort of happened. 

Well, not really, it was kind of instigated by a certain someone who somehow became her best friend. Weirdly. But she won’t talk about that because she knows it gives most people hives to know, and Agent Not-so-Dead did just come back to life, afterall. Don’t want to manage to kill him again. 

“Umm,” she pauses because she needs to get back on track. “Right! We’ll start with New Mexico...”

_A very drunk Darcy is sitting at the only bar, the one place not blown up, in all of Puente Antigua. The place is packed, because seriously, its the only place still standing, not a scratch._

“It figures that the would be Norse God left the tavern alone, everyone knows vikings liked to get their drink on after pillaging,” she comments as she starts to spin her tale. Coulson ignores her jibe kind of (was that a lift in the corner of his lips, was he going to smile?), making her frown, but she goes on anyway.

_Jane is trying not to cry, and focus on the data they managed to pull from when Thor went bye-bye via Rainbow Bridge. Darcy is sitting next to her, just pointing at random numbers, pretending she’s paying attention to the Science! when really her eyes are drawn to the one jack-booted-thug who isn’t standing out._

“How did you know that Barton was an agent?” Bart interrupts, to the ire of one Coulson, if the eye twitch Darcy sees means anything.

“Easy, man,” she shrugs, because she’s not really sure, to be honest. It was probably just a combination of being drunk and the sleeveless shirt. “Never saw him before, but he was eyeing everyone in the bar, and our little corner in particular.”

_At some point, its her turn to get a round. Jane finally finished her beer, and Eric insists he can handle one more boilermaker. Without Thor around though, Darcy doesn’t want to think about how she’s going to get the man back to the lab. So she figures, she’ll take one for the team, and get Mr. Arms from across the bar to join them. She drunkenly figures he’d be down to help for some booze and maybe something more. Who knows._

_“Mr Arms,” and yes, she did say that out loud, maybe another round would be a bad idea. “Would you care to join us in our corner? I’ll buy you a beer, and maybe even make out with you if you promise to help me carry my friend.”_

_The man shrugs, and it does something amazing to his shoulders because Darcy has now forgot about what she was doing and just bends over enough to trace the muscles. She lets out a quiet “wow” to the man’s amusement._

_He helps her get the next round and joins them in the corner. One more boilermaker has Eric passed out, but Jane has taken to frantically writing equations on napkins and isn’t ready to leave yet. So that leaves Darcy and Mr Arms to just down their beers and eventually make out. At one point, the man has his hand working up her stomach, copping a feel, and Darcy is trying to rip his shirt off._

_Sadly, and Darcy will freely admit to this, they are interrupted by Jane making a breakthrough and demanding to go back to the lab so that she can look at her equipment. So the pair go no further that the light groping and making out (again, sadly). The man disappears when Eric does, and she forgets all about that drunken night._

“And it’s too bad, because it would have probably been an awesome lay,” she ends the reminiscion. “Anyway, that’s what started it. Kind of.”

“Why kind of?” Coulson asks, and Darcy knows he regrets having to.

“Because SHIELD sucks? Well, yeah, they did, do, whatever. When supreme overlord alphabet agency went kablooey, and all their files went onto the internet, it turned out that pictures from that night were released too. So now, everyone knows who Agent Barton is. Well they knew who he was before. Sort of. But like, now the superhero’s cover is blown. And since Hawkeye has a huge fanbase... the arms, man, just, those arms,” she hums in pleasure, trying to remember through the drunken haze, seeing if she could recall how they felt. Because damn, that was a missed connection she regrets.

Frowning, it seems it isn’t to be, so she returns her attention to a smirking Coulson. Seems the man finds the thought of Barton’s arms amusing, that might means something. She’ll have to come back to that later. 

“Anyhow, your other field agents got pictures of us making out. Those, in turn, were made into GIFs and put onto Tumblr, and then yeah. That happened.”

The conversation stalls, Coulson now writing some brief notes. Agent Simpson (what was his name again?) is leaning against the wall behind Coulson, leering at her; As if she was easy (she’s not, she just had life goals), she sticks her tongue out at him in retaliation.

A quiet cough draws her focus back to the man in charge. She gives a glare to the stupid agent then gives her undivided attention back to Coulson.

“So let’s talk about London.”

“I like to pretend London never happened.” Darcy cringes, because she really believes that. It turns out interns to interns are HYDRA lackeys and only save your life because you’re their in with outer space. Who knew.

“Nonetheless, it did happen, and it’s still trending on Twitter.”

That has Darcy sitting straight in her chair. Because that’s just not cool. She worked hard to make everyone forget about it. “Really? I figured everyone would be over it by now.”

“You sort of made it come back up with all the other stunts.” Agent whatever-his-name-is adds, and Darcy hates the man on principle. Bearer of bad news that he is.

“Damn,” she breathes out, because that just sucks. 

“So London...” Coulson prompts, and Darcy decides she’ll tell him about it without really telling him.

 _A week after the first GIFset was posted to the internet (so many notes it couldn’t display a number,_ SCORE! _), new photos are unearthed from the behemoth of data that was released when SHIELD fell._

_Those new photos actually put everyone on edge; unsure on how to react or behave. Especially when around the parties involved._

“Miss Lewis, this isn’t what I want to know.” 

“It kind of is, like, I’m telling you what you want to know, but in a roundabout way, and I’m entitled to do so.”

“No you’re not,” Stupid-agent says from his perch against the wall.

Darcy blows him a raspberry. “I rule the internet, so you can shut up. Anyway.”

_No one will let Darcy forget about London. It’s all everyone is talking about. She was once the proud breaker of Tumblr, and for a good reason too (Hawkeye’s arms were comparable to her boobs, apparently), but now, she’s being slutshamed for having made out with her best friend/boss’s godly boyfriend._

_Not Darcy’s proudest moment. But whatever, she will deal, because she can._

_Except everyone else doesn’t want to let her move on. Stark Industries is full of gossips who cough slurs behind her back. Her old high school friends send her messages on Facebook saying all sorts of things. Even people on the street made sure to let her know how_ wrong _it all was._

_But Darcy ignored it, and forgot about it because she was Queen of Getting Over Things. She had even seen the post on her dash that morning, but ignored it. Figuring it was whatever, Thor and Jane would never see it. Thor doesn’t do the internet, it’s just not really his thing (unless its puppies, he loves him some puppies, but he has Darcy to supply him with that). Jane is too busy with science, there was a weird thing happening in the atmosphere somewhere and just SCIENCE!_

_But all day, Darcy felt like something was off. When Thor stopped by the lab to bring lunch for both Darcy and Jane, Bruce and Tony had eyed them like a bomb was about to go off. Steve avoids Darcy all day, going so far as to duck into empty rooms to hide._

_And that is so not on. Nope, not cool._

_So that evening, during dinner, Darcy makes sure to convince Jane that food is greater than SCIENCE! at that very moment, and manages to get them to the communal kitchen before everyone else. Behaving as silly as possible, Darcy and Jane are just laughing and giggling when people start to show up. Bruce and Tony walk into the room, pausing to stare at the duo just giggling at each other. Clint and Tasha bump into the pair; Steve, just following behind with a look of confusion on his face._

_It isn’t until Thor walks past all of them to give a kiss to Jane and a hug to Darcy that the team draws attention to themselves._

_“Really?” Steve asks. His mouth gaping like a fish. It was a funny look that Darcy snuck a picture of. It was for SCIENCE! Kind of._

_“What?” Jane queries, going back to the poptart tower that she and Darcy were giggling over. It is already three stories tall and has a balcony. The giggling is because the duo were fighting over if going up was better than going out. They didn’t want to compromise the integrity of the structure, but they also wanted it to look cool._

_“She,” Steve points at Darcy. “Thor,” the finger moves toward the blond hunk._

_“We made out,” Darcy says, in the blandest voice possible. She refers to it as her Coulson voice. “We’re over it.”_

“Your Coulson voice?” The man asks, with an arched brow.

“Yes, my Coulson voice. Everyone who knows you has one,” Darcy explains in a nonchalant manner. Because its true.

“I certainly doubt that,” he responds.

“You,” Darcy calls out to the guy from before. She should probably work on remembering his name. They’ve been in each other’s company long enough that its warranted, she thinks. “Do you have a Coulson voice? The voice you use when you want people to understand that this is what’s up, end of discussion, move on. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

Coulson turns around to look at the man, and Darcy can tell that she’s right. He isn’t a seasoned agent, so its all over his face that he definitely _does_ have a Coulson voice.

“Told you.”

_“Explain, please.”_

_Only because its Natasha does Darcy decide that fine, maybe she can dreg up her past. And poptart towers can wait. “I was having a bad day. Week. Year. Whatever.”_

_“Lady Darcy need not explain herself.” Thor, ever her protector steps between the table and the team. This finally draws Jane’s attention to the tension in the room._

_“What’s going on?” she asks._

_“They have seen pictures of me comforting our friend,” Thor answers, eying his shield-brothers warily._

_“Is this about the Ian thing?”_

_“Not the name!” Darcy screeches, slamming her hand on the table, in turn knocking down their awesome tower. “See what you did! That name is evil! Look what it does!_

_“This explains so much,” Bruce says, walking around everyone and taking a seat at the table. He gives Darcy kind eyes that make her melt a little. He was always her favorite (after Thor, but Thor doesn’t count since he’s with Jane)._

_“And so little.” Clint follows, the rest of the team catching up._

_“Needless to say, while drunk venting with Thor, the situation became heated, Jane was there.”_

_“Wait,” Jane interrupts. “How do they all know?”_

_“The internet knows,” Tony points out, eating their would-be tower’s door. “Ooh, s’more flavored._

_“When certain people who will not be named,” Darcy explains, using her eyebrows to point at two certain individuals. Steve looks sheepish while Tasha looks as if she couldn't give a fuck. Probably because she doesn’t. Bad ass woman, she is. “When people post classified things to the internet, eventually fandom finds it and dissect it and turn them into gifs.”_

_“So its just you and Thor?” she asks, a frown marring her face._

_Thor and Darcy nod solemnly, knowing why Jane finds the whole thing sad. The rest of the team eye her as if she’s crazy, her best friend and boyfriend are all over the interwebs for having made out, of course the woman wouldn’t take it very well._

_“But what about us kissing?”_

_Tony Stark chokes. Serves the bastard right for eating their materials._

“You must be joking.” Barty (she thinks that’s his name, hopefully it’ll come back to her by the time she needs it) is gaping. It’s adorable.

“Where have you been? Those have become a thing now. Like, literally, the next day, new GIFset of me and Jane. She wouldn’t let me go to bed until we made it happen. Worth it though because yeah.” Because Jane could kiss. She was more memorable than Thor, if she’s being honest, and Darcy is always honest with herself. Its part of what makes her Queen of Getting Over Things, and Ruler of the Internet. Damn, she needed to get some business cards. They’d be _awesome_.

“This still doesn’t explain all the other incidents.” Coulson is quick to bring them back on topic and Darcy isn’t sure if that’s a good or bad thing. Because like, while being interrogated sucks, she didn’t have any other plans for that afternoon. As long as she’s back at the tower by nine for Hannibal, all would be well.

“You asked for the start, and this is how it started. I had two of the set. And one of the other set. Like, I was trying to catch them all. You understand. Granted, kissing Avengers and their plus ones isn’t the same as Captain America cards, but collecting is. Oh, want to know how I kissed Steve?” she asks, because the look on Coulson’s face is priceless. Yes, she compared kissing all the Avengers to his obsession, and yes, she totally got some with the man’s idol.


	2. A Jealous Agent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does a girl have to sleep with a man in order to get him to call her by her first name?

_Steve had just returned from his morning run, heading straight to the kitchen to get himself hydrated. The sight always made Darcy drool a little, at least mentally, she hoped there wasn’t any physical drool. But if there was, it’d be fine. The world would understand. Because seriously. Sweaty Steve Rogers._

_Just look at that body._

“And now that song is stuck in my head,” Agent what’s-his-face murmurs in the background.

“Is the commentary really necessary, Miss Lewis?”

“Are you kidding me? Have you seen the man? I’m pretty sure the commentary just happens. Like, his body comes with make-you-stupid pheromones or something. Like. God-like Morgan Freeman goes off in everyones head just narrating the mans life to anyone in his vicinity. So yes, the commentary is very necessary.” Shifting her gaze, she gives Bart her Black Widow glare. “And damn you, sir, because that song is now stuck in my head and I don’t have an iPod to play it.”

“Miss Lewis.”

Darcy sighs, because, okay, Coulson is exasperated, but so is she. And she just might be missing Hannibal tonight. And her best friends will totally spoil it for her because one of them is evil and the other doesn’t understand social niceties. As in, spoilers are not socially nice, thus making it evil to tell them. Maybe she needed new friends.

This forces her to pause, pursing her lips.

Naw.

“Anywho.”

_At some point, the staring probably becomes obvious, and in Darcy’s attempt to be cool, she snaps her mouth shut. Forcing herself in the way that its audible that she had just shut her mouth, making a loud pop sound, drawing Steve’s attention to her. Oops._

_“Good morning, Miss Lewis.”_

_“Does a girl have to sleep with a man in order to get him to call her by her first name?” she asks, not thinking before speaking (story of her life). Because she’s known the guy a few weeks now. Watched movies with the man, dried the dishes to him washing them. You’d think they’d be on first name basis. Because really._

_But then she realizes she just said something out loud. Something embarrassing and obvious, and oh my Thor! Immediately, she slaps a hand over her face. This. Is. Her. Life._

_Steve’s face reddens. Him swallowing draws Darcy’s eye towards his adam’s apple. That neck. Just. Hmm. Her jaw drops a little and she starts to lose focus, her eyes glazing over at just the sight._

_“I don’t think sleeping with me would be necessary, Miss Lewis.”_

_The response forces Darcy to shake some sense back into herself._ ‘You are a grown woman. Breathe. Be cool. You can do it. You’ve done it before. Shut up lewis.’ _After the pep talk she realizes that wait, Steve Rogers just flirted with her? She really needs to work on when she talks to herself. Because seriously. Captain America just propositioned her. Kind of. Maybe. He did right? Was that her imagination? No, the man definitely said something along the lines of she doesn’t have to go as so far as to sleep with him. So maybe she could so something kind of close?_

_Whatever. She can take it that way if she wants to._

_Instead of responding, she’s going to pay Mr. Pretend-Prude back and walks right up to him and lays one on him. Her lips smack against his and she manages to even slip in a little tongue._

_Not her best kiss, but she gives it points because its a kiss with Steve Rogers._

_“Whaaaa...” A voice trickles in and forces Darcy to step back from maybe also grabbing the good captain in an inappropriate place._

_“Just letting Steve get to know me enough to call me Darcy,” she calls out over her shoulder as she walks out of the kitchen, back straight and head held high._

_Because yeah, she totally macked with Captain America and maybe she might’ve gone further if stupid Iron Man hadn’t interrupted. But whatever, all that mattered was Steve better start calling her Darcy._

“And does he?” Bartman asks, making Darcy forget to be smug. Well, she’s still smug, because seriously. _Ruler of the Internets_. Plus, she totally knows Coulson is jealous of that one kiss. If anything, that is probably why she’s here. She’s surprised he’s not asking her for more details.

“Of course, otherwise I told him I’d have to go further, duh.”

Coulson’s eyes widen, and Darcy decides that if anything, that makes this all worth it. 

Silence permeates the room. Darcy is making faces because she’s learned that talking too much can give too much information, even if all she is doing is rambling. So instead she’s trying to make Bartman crack. The man is holding in giggles, she can tell, but Coulson doesn’t even realize that its been three minutes when he focuses on her as she’s making a particularly amazing duck face.

He clearly doesn’t understand the hilarity of the duck face, as he just ignores it, and continues the interrogation. _Boring._ “And how did that break the record for most likes on Instagram?”

“Well, it was in Stark/Avengers tower. So obviously,” and she says that with a sarcastic tone, because hello, the man is the king of the jack-booted-thugs, he should be able to figure this out. “JARVIS plus Tony Stark equals internet fame.”

“That is not always the case,” the man argues. “Especially when you take into account Pepper Potts.”

“Truth.” Darcy raises a fist in the air, in solidarity and acknowledgement of what he means, because Pepper is. Is. There aren’t any words really to explain what Pepper is. But. _Pepper,_. “To be honest, I’m pretty sure he was in the doghouse for it. Because he had conned me into helping him get back into her good books, and I think this is why.”

“And this would be what led to the next incident?”

“Well, the one that everyone knows about, yeah.”

She can see Coulson consider asking about that, but she knows he won’t. Which is too bad, because seriously, the other time was _waaaaaay_ better, but no one really knows about that because it wasn’t on the internet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to get this (and all my other WIPs) done before AoU comes out. So wish me luck. This will probably have one final chapter where Darcy finishes the Avengers.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I ended there. Sorry. Next episode, Darcy catches the rest of them. Well, most of them. Gotta save something for the final chapter/epilogue thing. But yes, talley ho!


End file.
